I updated my WordPress app a few days ago (much improvements) and realised how long it’s been since I updated the actual ‘blog! Shameful really.
I have not been idle – far from it! Like many suffering writers, I have been scribbling away frantically while trying to work, hold a relationship down, and have some friends. Being a writer is like having a secret identity. During the day, I am a mild-mannered IT guy, but when the clock strikes 6, I become Howard the Writer, typer of bollocks, observer of nonsense, conjurer of false worlds and make-believe. In a way, being a writer is a terrible burden on a person. There’s no guarantees, there’s no proper rules to abide by (throwing doubt about whether the structure of a story is “right”), and until an income is generated, becoming a full-time writer is a distant prospect.
However. If it were easy, there wouldn’t be much point. Writing – or anything in life – is valuable because it’s hard to do properly. Don’t be disheartened, and never give up. You know you’re a writer, you just need to carry on and prove it by finishing your projects. It is like having an illness, and the only cure is to write until you’re satisfied that you’ve told your story. Only then will you have cured your illness.
Anyway, a little about my current illnesses, hopefully they don’t sound like the ravings of a crazy guy. The first is a novel called “Ragnar Blaise’s High Idea”. Ragnar Blaise, an overweight emotional stoner school student, tries to combine Positive Mental Attitude, Cosmic Ordering, and the world’s most potent spliff to get his ex back. In his super-enlightened state, he inadvertently solves the ultimate question; the meaning of all life, at which point an ancient alien race appears and hail Ragnar as their new saviour. The alien leader, Blarcrest Aaaaaaaaaaaap, take Ragnar, his best friend Drew, and Ragnar’s ex girlfriend Elizabeth, to his home planet before wiping out mankind and starting afresh, using Ragnar’s “superior” DNA as the base. Ragnar, together with the help of a handful of other stoners, a centuries-old doppleganger of his ex-girlfriend, and evolved versions of his best friends, must fight the aliens that have enslaved mankind, and get his girlfriend back.
My plan is to self-publish this title on Smashwords; since it’ll be my first full novel, I’d like to use it to further my presence as a writer without trying to secure a publisher.
My other two viruses are screenplays. Initially, I was writing to meet a competition deadline (end of June), but I think I am going to miss it so am going to send these to publishers as speculative works. Other than the BBC, I’ve no experience with film or TV so could be interesting!
The first screenplay is called “IT Chimps Attack!” and is about an in-house IT department that decide to fight against their parent company to get the pay, bonuses, and respect they deserve. The business try to get their IT systems back online before the business dies from the lack of email, purchasing systems, and all the other IT technologies taken for granted in a modern company.
The second is called “Hand of Ghandi”; it’s one guy’s descent into violence and anarchy as he tries to right the wrongs in british society. The main character, Chris Dean, is constantly bullied by life; his chav neighbours, the tax man, pushy co-workers, ignorant ppedestrians. After he suffers a bbeating by his stoned unemployed neighbour, he retreats to his parent’s house. During his recovery, his father teaches him how to box, building up his physical and mental strength. He returns to his house and starts exacting revenge against his tormentors, building up in ferocity until he is no better than the people he hates until he finds himself stood with the prime minister, holding a bomb, with the entire world watching him.
Phew! All three projects are in a state of first draft, but I’m pleased that I’ve got the treatments and plots done. It’s now a matter of writing, rewriting, and rewriting again! I am thinking about publishing the first couple of chapters of Ragnar Blaise as a freebie, just to see if it does generate any interest.