Retro Sunday Review – Return of the Jedi (arcade)

Arcade games should not be involving because of the very nature of arcades; they are quick fixes of adrenalin-inducing entertainment, and are meant to be fairly instant games.  Return of the Jedi, however, takes the piss.  There are so man things wrong with it that I guess the cabinets are very rare simply bcause no-one bought one.

 

Firstly, the graphics are fucking rubbish, even for an 80’s game.  Have a look at the screenshots – no, I didn’t create them in Paint, they are actual shots from the game.  Secondly, the controls are rubbish.  You float around the screen uncontrollably which, coincidentally, adds a bit of a challenge to an otherwise unchallenging game.  Thirdly, there are TWO levels – yes, two levels of about 20 seconds apiece, meaning the game can be completed within a minute.  You have to fly a speedbike around trees and avoid some other speeders for a bit, then fly a real bad representation of the Millennium Falcon around poles and avoid some other ships, then go back the other way whilst being chased by a fuzzy blanket of red.  That’s it.  THAT IS ALL THERE IS TO IT.

I remember playing this briefly when I was younger, and gave up because of the controls.

Playtime = 40 seconds

Verdict = One of the worst games in living memory, compounded further by being a Star Wars title.

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