Hammer to Fall

Big Croc - fake, but looks good!

I was walking down the corridor at work today; up until that point, I was having a surprisingly good day. I’d managed to close several long-winded and difficult jobs down, and even received a glowing email from a grateful user I’d dealt with yesterday. However, as I entered my small office, I had a strange feeling. I felt like I was living in my own memory of the past, like I would be remembering this place and this job as “my previous role” in the near-future.

There are several things wrong with my current job. These things were small and easily-negated by the positive aspects of my job and employer, but now these issues are demanding attention – even action. The benefits have been eroded by over-eager new managers trying to add to their self-preening LinkedIn write-ups, and the negatives have grown in size thanks to a dim view of the IT department and their employees. However, thanks to one bad egg in the team (who has now left), the rest of us are now having to suffer increased scrutinisation and speculation – even suspicion and mis-trust – because of this.

I’ve thought about switching jobs before, but have decided against it after analysing the pros and cons (although I do keep my CV up-to-date just in case). All those times I’ve thought about leaving, it didn’t feel right; this time, it feels different, as if I’m waiting for the hammer to fall on my role (although whether I’m the one swinging the hammer isn’t too clear). So, my CV has gone out, my interview technique revised, and I think I will be looking at a different job soon.

Writing – things are going well! I have a new tutor, who seemed to enjoy my “Game of Dare” short story (two guys get drunk and play poker for dares). I thought about publishing the stories I write as exercises on this ‘blog, just so they see the light of day if nothing else.

I brought my father round my house tonight, to play games, have some eats, and have a chat. It was very nice, and I wish I’d done it earlier (I am going to make it a regular thing). He’s been quite ill recently, and I think he needs the male bonding. Family is important, and if you don’t take the opportunity to spend time with your parents, you WILL regret it when they pass away. Every moment you cancelled meeting family because you felt tired, or wanted to go out with friends instead – all those times will haunt you when you never have the chance to see them again. Think about that next time. If you don’t see or speak to family because of a petty argument, think about standing in an empty hospital corridor, knowing that you’ve just lost your parent but unable to do anything about it. What was the last thing you said to them? Is that what they were thinking about as they died?

My friend’s wife’s mother was taken ill suddenly, and quickly passed away. His wife’s been off work with stress and mental problems since, because she hadn’t talked to her mother for 8 years prior to being taken ill. Although she saw her in hospital before she passed, she wasn’t totally “with it”, so my friend’s wife isn’t sure she heard or understood her. All because of a disagreement about money. It wasn’t even important, but the silence had been prolonged for 8 years because of stubbornness. The end result? Almost a year’s stress and upset.

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